Why I was Anxious for July 4th

If you’re anything like me right now then you’re still recovering from the fun of the holiday, but actually pretty pumped it’s still the weekend right now…haha. Luckily my fiancé and I were both able to take the week off from work and enjoy our time with family and friends. Ever since I’ve been with Jonathan for the fourth we make our way down to Cape Cod to do a boat parade with all of his friends. It’s honestly one of the most fun times and I look forward to it every year. This year we decided to switch things up just a bit, and to have a little more of a relaxed Fourth of July.

Jonathans best friend Eric has a family house over on Chappaquiddick off of Edgartown Massachusetts/Martha’s Vineyard. We decided that this year we would join him and his family and some of their friends over there just to mix things up a bit. Eric’s wife Beth was already there with their two children, some family members, and friends. So our plan was to take Eric’s sailboat from the Cape and sail over the 15 or so miles to Chappy. I was excited for this as I had never really done a sailing trip like that but when I heard it would most likely take 4-5 hours, feelings of anxiety crept in. It’s hard to explain although I suppose if you’re a person that suffers from anxiety in general than you can relate to an extent. I’m not generally an anxious person and wouldn’t say I suffer from anxiety, however I do feel like I suffer from what I like to call Diabetic anxiety…lol. It’s honestly unlike anything I’ve ever felt and it just makes me feel very scared. With this particular situation in general I got very anxious thinking about being out on a sailboat in the middle of the ocean (though that wasn’t really the case haha it was only a 15 mile trip) for 4 to 5 hours. My brain started racing thinking about all of the things that could go badly in terms of my diabetes – what if my sugars went so low and I ran out of low snacks and it took us too long to get in for me to get something to treat it, what if my sugars were running high and I couldn’t get them down, what if my insulin stopped working because it was too hot, what if my pump stopped working, what if I dropped my PDM (the device that actually controls my new pump) into the ocean, what if I got sea sick (which I do get sea sick) and couldn’t stop throwing up – very dangerous for a type one, what if I got heat stroke and it was affecting my numbers and running me super high or super low, what if, what if, what if. These are all real thoughts that went through my mind when I found out how long the trip was going to take us. Though many of these thoughts are somewhat irrational, most of them are also very real worries a type one can have. This is just one of the reasons this disease is called an invisible illness. We deal with thoughts like this for things that may seem like no big deal to any other person on the daily. A trip like this where medical attention could be somewhat harder to get if needed creates all sorts of worries in the type one brain. It may seem silly to some but to be honest I also believe it is what helps keep us alive and keeps us aware of how serious this disease can be sometimes. It’s easy to forget when you’ve been living with it for 5, 10, or even 15 years like me how truly life threatening this disease can be on the daily. It’s also easy for many of our loved ones that see us deal with it day in and day out forget how serious it is. At the same time I don’t believe it is something that should stop you from living your life. Though I had all of these thoughts buzzing through my mind and causing me to have a bit of a knot in my stomach, I also knew that I was strong enough and smart enough to handle this. I knew that I would pack all the extra supplies I needed, enough low treatments to last a life time, and be sure my extra insulin was kept below the boat out of the direct sunlight and heat. I also knew that I would be with Jonathan. I expressed to him that I was feeling anxious about the trip although it was hard for me to really articulate why. Without really even needing to explain too much though, he understood. He worries about me probably just as much as I worry about myself and he always comforts me and is there for me when I need his help. I knew that having him there with me was the cherry on top of the comfort I needed to make it through the trip. I am so thankful I have someone in my life like him who just gets me and at the very least tries to understand how I might be feeling in certain situations. He’s my number one for a reason 😍

babe

skiffsail 4legsboat

Anywho, enough mushy stuff for now lol. I ended up having a really great vacation, and enjoying my time on the sailboat. I wouldn’t say I’m ready to go out and buy a sailboat and do 5 hour sails every weekend, LOL but it was really beautiful and I felt lucky to have such an awesome experience. And hey, nothing bad happened! Imagine that 😉 I really just wanted to write about this and share how I was feeling and why I was feeling this way. I think it was important for me to share this with other fellow type ones so they know when they have these anxious feelings just like me, they’re not alone. I also wanted to share it for all of my non diabetic friends and family as well. I think it’s super important to shed light on just how much this disease affects daily life. It’s not just the finger pokes, the needles, the carb counting, and insulin dosing that comes with this disease, but also the huge mental aspect of it. Again like I said, one of the many reasons this disease is called an invisible illness is because you don’t always see this side of it. I’m just here to share with you all my motto on how I never let diabetes stop me from living a beautiful and fulfilled life! ☺️

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